Rested

After the Memorial service I went home and slept. My baby girl, Teri, stayed with me. I woke up around 7 p.m. I was heartened to hear all the wonderful memories you hold of my Sweetie. Some are laugh-out-loud funny. I took the opportunity to read the ones written in the Green Memory Book provided by my precious daughter-in-law Anne.

I was also heartened to hear of the many expressions of love and respect you held for him. He truly was my hero. I considered it a privilege to be married to such a giving man. Thank you for your comments.

I know that many of you did not have the opportunity to share a memory yet. I would appreciate it if you would write it out and I will put it in the book at a future time. Perhaps this may sound silly to you but I, once again, am reminded how he touched so much lives. They warm my heart especially the funny ones.

I plan on going to my meeting tomorrow morning early at 9:00 a.m. I recall how hard it was for him to get to that 9:00 meeting after the cancer matastasized. Even getting up at 7 am, he barely got ready in time. I would fix him something to eat on the way and then we just barely made it. The cancer sapped his strength and diminished his appetite. He could not stand for any length of time so even to shave in the morning required he sit on a stool in the bathroom. To put shoes on were impossible and the sox not much easier. I even combed his hair for him.

I never had to pick out his clothes. He always knew what he wanted to wear. He must have thought of it in advance. Some friends asked on time if I picked out his suits and ties. No. He had a much been eye for color and style than I did. I was a country girl and was happier in jeans and plaid shirts.

Well, goodbye for now. Enjoy each day with your loved ones, never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. If you don't know about Jehovah, find out of Him and his purposes. Love you all. Barb

Good Morning Dear Ones

I slept well last night. I thought I would have a hard time sleeping alone but I didn't. I am thankful for that because I know I need my sleep to continue on. My cough is better and my throat is not as sore so I am feeling better.

I look forward to/dread the memorial for Don. I know that "it is better to go to the house of mourning than a banquet house" so I can take to heart the lessons I just learned.

I already did learn many lessons. One is to not delay telling your loved ones how special they are to you because you may not get another chance. I learned, again, how much I loved my Don. I learned how much He and I are loved. I learned the price of love. I learned the bitterness and pain of watching a loved one suffer so much that you would rejoice at their death.

So, dear ones, I know you won't forget me. I also know that Jehovah will never forget me or Don. I know He will give me His strength even more to carry on with the rest of my life, knowing that I now carry Don's torch.

I Love You All, Barb

Resting and Healing

I went to the Doctor's office today and got an antibiotic for a throat, ear and chest infection. My immunity must be compromised. My sister, Betty, went with me. I slept most of the afternoon. I am breathing a little better now.

For the first time, I wanted share a funny tidbit with Don and could not. It seems so strange as is a part of me is missing. I have heard that phrase before but now know the depth of that part of the loss: My Life's Companion. Lover, Jokester and sounding board.

I am sure you are getting bored reading of my day to day life. I don't know how soon it is appropriate to close this site out, but it has been a wonderful cathartic.

I love you, my friends. I can feel yours and Jehovah's love as I struggle to set up a new routine for my life. Don was a strong force in my life and, while he didn't make all the decisions as to our direction, he and I planned together.

Now, just call me the Lone Planner without a horse called Trigger. Oh, My, did I date myself?

With love, Barb

Picking up the pieces

David and his family just left to catch the plane to Colorado. I hugged Connor goodbye and his warm hug back and his whispered "I love you, Grandma" really warmed my heart. I am not ready to go back to sleep yet so I thought I would start my day with my current sentiments.

Tomorrow the memorial for Don at the Kingdom Hall at 2 will be a final end to this part of the ordeal. It will be filled with love extended by Don and I's many friends and our loving family. This ordeal has strengthened our family bonds.

My sweet daughter-in-law, Anne, has started a Memory Book for me. I am asking everyone who can to write a favorite memory of My Sweetie in the book. I will be bringing it to the memorial on Saturday. Please record a thought or two.

I have heard so many funny and heartfelt stories from people who have touched our lives. I hope you will take the time to tell me about them in his Memory Book. I also am heartened daily with the tender thoughts and comments on the Blog. That,too, will become a record to keep of our struggle and our triumph over tragedy. Your many cards tell me how much Don was loved.

I did go to my meeting last night. For the first time in years, I had no time to study ahead of time. I just went to absorb and absorb I did. Mom and Dad Burke allowed (or insisted) me to sit between them. They held my hand during the prayers. Don loved them both so much.

My voice and throat are scratchy from all the talking and crying during the last few days. I can just imagine Don saying: "Barb, don't you ever shut up!" One thing that I will not shut up about until the day I can no longer speak is declaring the Good News of the Kingdom (Matthew 24:14) I know that the Kingdom of God is the means by which God will undo the pangs of death. I know that the Kingdom is the God's means of bringing peace back to the earth....and important to me: The Kingdom is the means by which I will be able to hold Don in my arms once again. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want people to know of my hope founded firmly on the Bible promises.

Well, I am getting sleepy again, so I am going to snatch a few more winks before daylight. It smells like a good day outside and I hope to use it to the full to cure my pain. I hope all of you will, too.

Love you all, Bab

Busy

The family has been busy shoring each other up. We went to the school down the street to swing on the swings(yes, I did) climb the monkey bars (yes, I did) and play on the other playground equipment(no, I couldn't, even if I wanted to)

We are taking some of the grandchildren swimming today. David has to be on his way to the airport by 4 in the morning tomorrow. I plan on going to my meeting tonight to get strengthened while David and his family pack for their trip back to Colorado.

This blog has proved to be a wonderful idea. I will read of our journey in times to come. I will reread the comments you left for me....comments that warmed my heart.

I will see some of you on Saturday at Don's Memorial at 2p.m. at the Kingdom Hall.

I slept OK last night, not perfectly but OK. I continue to pray for strength, knowing that the future will be a struggle some times. I plan on continuing to serve Jehovah to the best of my ability. It is one thing that really gives me Joy.

All my love and appreciation,

Barb

Final Farewell

I said goodbye to my Sweetie today. I hope to live a number of years yet so that my children will not be orphans. I remember when my Mother died and I was now effectively an orphan. It was a strange and sad thought. The ones who had nurtured and taught me many of life's lesson would be there not more to share my life.

I, like Don, firmly believe in the Bible's promises. I have faith based on those promises that someday I will see Don again and can hold his hand in the Paradise.

I recall the last time we heard our song together. Son-in-law Jack had turned on the music channel on TV and they were playing our song : Unchained Melody. We fell in love to the voice of Al Hibler singing it. "I need your love, God speed your love to me." I went over to the couch where Don was laying and hugged him. He put out his arm as if to dance. He held me for a while. Sweet!!!!!

I am bone tired now and I am going to take a nap. I know it is a different kind of sleep than he is in because I will wake up again soon. I will have to wait until Jesus removes the corrupt governments that stand in opposition to God's Kingdom and bring peace to the earth, at last.

My heart will yearn for him until then. Until then I plan on serving Jehovah who taught me how to truly love.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts. Pray for our family and friends in their time of grief. We loved a lot and we lost a lot. But, then again, that is the price of Love. Barb

Courage

Don taught me many lessons since we were married almost 54 years ago. I was much less experienced than he was. He had a strong force in his family for years although he was only 19. He even insisted that I carry a purse "dear, you might need a kleenex or something else".

The lesson he has been teaching me is that you think of others even when you are dying. His concern for me and others was very touching.

He fell in love with me before I fell in love with him. I, a young 16 year old, was flattered. He was so respectful but I could see his passion. He won my heart with his tender ways. I am so glad because I have a treasure of sweet memories that I can replay over the years ahead. I dealt with his imperfections because his love and concern for others were much greater.

He was born to be a father. He was so excited to find out that he was to be a father. I wasn't so sure. I got used to the idea. After all, I was only 18. But his love and excitement helped me.

I was a worker bee so even though my nest became full quickly, he worked hard to feed and nourish us. God was always important to both of us. We never missed mass unless one of us was sick. Then the other took the brood to worship God.

I almost upset the applecart when I started studying the Bible. He knew much more about the Bible than me so he didn't object to that part. What he objected to was that I was learning some new things. His father had studied with Jehovah's Witnesses years ago and he had sat in on some of those studies. His father stopped the study when he learned some Bible doctrines that conflicted with what he had been taught. He was studying with Earl Lardie. Talk about planting seeds that grow later on. Don finally "ordered" me to quit the study. (I was a very submissive wife, having the example of my mother and father. My parents were old enough to be my grandparents. Dad's word was Mom's command.)

When Don ordered me to quit the study, I didn't get mad although I did something that I had never done before: I respectfully told Don that I had never gone against his wishes or told him NO before but now I had to. I told him I had found something wonderful and I couldn't stop learning what the Bible says. He was taken aback. He got a shocked look on his face. He stammered: OK but be careful.

The rest is history. He studied himself to try to prove Darlene and Bert Nicke wrong but finally admitted that what they taught was what the Bible taught. And what a force it has been in our lives!!! We were swimming upstream, as it were, but we were given the strength to do it.

I will miss My Sweetie but then... so will so many others. I know that Jehovah will give me the strength to keep serving and obeying him. I look forward to holding Don again in the Paradise New World on earth even if we are no longer married. I am used to sharing him with others. He truly has been a "Gift in Men"

On a personal note, I slept fairly well last night. I dread the viewing today. I dread seeing him in his casket. I dread seeing other people's pain. But I will be comforted to see the love that family and friends had for him. I will be comforted by loving arms. Most of all Jehovah will have my right hand (I

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Funeral and Memorial Arrangements

Family and friends are invited to visitation between 2:00 and 8:00 pm on Tuesday, August 3 at Will and Schwarzkoff Funeral Home, 233 Northbound Gratiot Avenue, Mount Clemens, MI. 48043 (586-468-4509).

The funeral will be on Wednesday for family only.

A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday, August, 7 at 2:00 pm at the Mount Clemens Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses, 23385 Patterson, Clinton Township (at the corner of Patterson and Southbound Gratiot Avenue).

At great but humble man is no longer suffering.

With sadness but much relief that my father is not longer suffering, I want to let everyone know that my father died peacefully at about 3:00 am this morning. I was at his side at the time along with my brother in law Dan and I had the privilege of being the one who closed his eyes for the last time.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit alone with my father and share with him some thoughts. I told him how much I loved him and how much he and my mother were loved by his entire extended family and by his many friends.  I recalled for him two discussions we had had in the past, the first being the discussion we had out 4 months ago on the day he was told by his doctors that his cancer was terminal and that he had less than six months to live unless he qualified for an experimental treatment and the second, during a visit in the hospital about two months ago.

During the call when he shared with me the bad news  about his cancer, he tearfully told me he was not afraid to die or go through the continued pain and suffering, but was in anguish because he would not be around to care for my mother. I reminded him of our discussion during that painful call and reiterated yesterday that he need not worry because I,  together with his his family and friends, would make sure that my mother received all of the love, care, support and help she would need after he died. While we could never replace his love for my my mother, I reassured him that this worry was unfounded.

I also reminded my father yesterday of the private discussion we had when he was in the hospital and he shared with me that he was pained and embarrassed by all of the inconvenience and trouble he was causing to his family and friends. I recalled telling him at the time that he had earned the love and support he was seeing from his family and friends and that everyone was merely returning the love and support he had given to them in the past. During that earlier discussion, he told me that that he was overwhelmed by the love and support he was receiving and that he found himself wondering if he was worthy of it.  I reassured him that his family and friend thought the exact opposite and believed we would never be able to repay him for the love and attention he had given to all of us in the past.

I also shared with my my father yesterday that his death would cause many to hurt deeply and to shed many tears because of our loss. But I reassured him that this pain we will all suffer in the days to come is a small price we will pay for having loved my father and having been loved by him and that I would gladly pay that price.  

The final thought I shared with my father yesterday was that it was an honor to be his son, that I admired his humility and that I have not personally known a greater man, a man who cared more for his wife, family and friend than his own pain, suffering and impending death. Although he was unable to talk and respond to me, I noticed tears coming from his eyes.

I want to thank everyone who has supported my mother, father and family in past months. Like my father, I have been overwhelmed by your efforts, thoughts and kindness.


Don Jr.  


            

Waiting and Praying

We wait and pray and hug. The family is solid in their determination to do everything possible to ease My Sweetie into the sleep that the Bible speaks of with sorrow. His pulse is steady and his breathing is labored. His pulse is speeding up as his breathing is getting weaker.

I will greet this death as a welcome intruder because the Don will be at peace finally. It has been a real struggle for him. We know that he is still aware because when Tim Burke was over and said a prayer, Don lifted this other hand up and put it over Tim's hand.

I slept a few hours today and did several family members so that we can continue to hold his hand though we know that Jehovah is holding his hand as Isaiah 41:10 says. I think of the 23rd Psalm at a time like this about walking in the shadow of death and not being alone. We know that Jehovah as the Great Shepherd and Jesus as the Under Shepherd have hold of him to comfort him and make the unbearable bearable. I know that is why I am able to bear it also.

The entire family is yet keeping the vigil. The Karmanos nurse says that because his heart and lungs are so strong, it may take another couple of days. We pray for strength so us older ones can endure this.

All my love, Barb

Not Suffering

The family spent the day and night with my sweetie again. His heart is still beating strongly. His breathing is very labored and shallow with shorter periods of not breathing. He is being kept peaceful with medication but he is still twitching a lot. He gets clammy and someone is bathing him and powdering him often. We have all spoken with him...giving him permission to stop struggling. The Hospice nurse is coming out to see if she can ease him and the family to a conclusion soon.

It is so hard to watch someone you love struggling so hard. I am concerned for the other family members who have been sleeping 2 or 3 hours. Everyone is so tired and heartbroken. Don felt so bad that he would cause so many people so much pain. He knew what would happen. I told him it was the price of love. When we learn to love as Jehovah loves, it hurts so very bad. Even for the people who do not know Jehovah, the pain is intense. I appreciate all the prayers and tears that have been shed for me and Don. We are rich people to have such people like you holding us up and caring for us. Thank you for the depth of my heart.

It will be easier to bear when he passes and is finally sleeping in Jehovah's memory. He will yearn to see the work of his hands again and Jesus will resurrect him back to a Paradise earth. Any of you who have a different hope, I ask you to consider what the Bible teaches about the future of the earth and mankind. One of my favorite scriptures is John 5:28-30 where Jesus promised to perform a resurrection with Jehovah's power and direction. Another of my favorite scriptures is Revelation 21:3 and 4 where God promises to wipe out all tears and eliminate man's enemy Death. I yearn to hold my Sweetheart in my arms again when he will know me and desire to hold me back. At times like this, it isn't about sex or pleasure but about peace and love.

All my love,

Barbara