I have had a full weekend with a one year Memorial at the cemetery to view Don's newly installed headstone and to remember the person of integrity that he was. It was very well supported. Then we returned to my house to have a Baty family reunion. Almost the whole family was there, even ones who had other plans later and I certainly appreciated the love show to me. Many friends also were there.
I have decided to end this blog. It has served it purpose: To get us (me and you) through one of the most difficult times in our lives. This is some of what I learned in the past year:
Each one of us has to make it our business to be happy. When we are happy, we wish life would never end, for us or for our loved ones, even strangers. Happiness is not optional. Jehovah God commands us to be happy at Deuteronomy 16:13-15.
I have thought about it. What is happiness? It is the outward manifestation of the internal condition of joy that comes from a good heart and is connected with contentment. It comes from peace of mind and joy of heart.
The Bible says that those people whose God is Jehovah should be happy. This is a statement that I and my Sweetie believed with all our hearts. In fact, happiness is a gift from God, a fruit of His spirit. He is the happy God and he sincerely wants us to be happy NOW, not in some distant future. Every day I ask myself if I am happy. I know that I will be if I have my life under control. I know I must continue to have self discipline and self control. I now realize that I have to control fleshly desires instead of trying to satisfying them all. I know how to be happy at home by myself or with friends and family. I have come a long way.
Happiness isn't in THINGS. - a car, a home, a mate or so on. It is inside of us. If our happiness is dependent on things or conditions, whom we are with, then an accident or tragedy, like my Sweetie's death, can rob us of happiness.
I know I must protect my happiness with all my might. I never want to lose my joy of living. I am determined not to allow other people to hold the key to my happiness as if I was plugged into them, I refuse to be robbed of my happiness by gossip or by what others say or do, I will try hard not to let them affect me overmuch. I have learned that once unhappiness enters into your life, it is very hard to get it out.
Another lesson that I have learned and would like to express is that I MUST love what Jehovah God loves. I know I live in an imperfect world and so that calls for many adjustments. I, as well as everyone else, am imperfect. One thing that is consistent about life is that there are always changes. Disappointments could discourage me. I have learned that happiness is up to me. It is dependent on what I do with my mind and heart. I am determined to adjust my thinking as I continue to age. I know that nobody can do this for me but I also know that Jehovah will help me. Happiness is not dependent on where we are or with whom we are. It is not just knowing, it is in the doing! Happiness isn't so much doing what we like, but liking what we do. It is not being where we like but liking where you are. It is having what you like, but liking what you have. I am determined to enjoy what I have and who I am. That is being Christlike.
I am confident that a joyful heart and a mind at peace with Jehovah and the peace from Him that excels all thought, is what has made me truly happy still.
Nowhere does the Bible say that happiness depends on a good job because physical things can not bring lasting joy and happiness. This can only come from within. I know that true happiness is linked with the thoughts of God. That is why I try to read His word daily and meditate on it and work on applying His lessons in my life.
Also, I have learned that secret faults of pride or selfishness can eat away happiness. I pray for Jehovah's correction.
Some people tryy only find counterfeit happiness. Like counterfeit money, it robs them of contentment.
For any who have not found happiness, you need to prepare yourself for happiness with a good personal Bible study program. You need to be close to people who likewise are concerned about spiritual things.
Lastly, I am cultivating endurance. I have years before Don and I can be together again on the Paradise earth. That was our hope. I know that it is not everyone's hope but it was ours. I have found that nothing triumphs over sadness as much as endurance....one day at a time...as Jesus stated. We don't serve Jehovah because we want him to make us happy, but because we truly love Him and our neighbor.
I have made it my business to be happy. I am succeeding!!!!!
I send my love to all my family and friends. Any messages/comments, please send them to dfbaty@juno.com. Barbara Baty
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Papa's Truck
A few months ago, I parted with Don's truck, selling it to Teri and Dan for Brandon when he turned 16. He, of all the grandchildren, have sweet memories of "Papa's truck". When he was a little "Squirt", we would take him camping, using the truck and our pop-up camper. We spent time fishing and hiking, but the thing Brandon liked the most was traveling in "Papa's truck".
Brandon has been driving now since March and uses the truck to get back and forth to school and to work. He has "spruced" up the truck, coming over to show me new wheels and sound system. He made it his own. So the following incident took on much emotion.
Sunday evening, June 5th, Dan and one of Brandon's friends, took the two boys' vehicles over to Dan's work and worked on brakes for the boys. Brandon was at work. After finishing Brandon's truck, they were working on John's, forgetting to take out the keys. They were just walking back into the garage when John heard Brandon's truck start. Someone was stealing it!!!!
After making the police report, they called Teri and Brandon, who started over to the shop after a fellow employee dropped a very upset Brandon home. How dare they steal Papa's and my truck!!!!!!!!
Upon arriving over to the shop, the guys decided to look for the truck. An uncle, who works as a dispatcher, suggested a perimeter to search. Teri wanted to be part of the search. They each took a mile road between Ryan and Mound, Teri getting the "safest" between 9 and 10 in Warren, John taking between 8 and 9 and Dan and Brandon taking between 8 and 7.
Who finds the truck? Mom. She spied it in a driveway and called John to come over to confirm it. Upon arriving, they walk up to check out the truck and, sure enough, it was Brandon's. Talk about a needle in a haystack. The men in the house saw them and headed out to their vehicles, one trying to push Teri's car out of the way, while Papa's truck took off over the neighbor's lawn and headed down the street with my foolish daughter following after it.
She following after it, tooting her horn the whole way and called the police and her husband to inform them as to what was going on. The police took over the chase around 8 Mile. They followed the truck into Detroit and found it abandoned after briefly losing it. It must have sideswiped another vehicle because there was some damage on the passenger door. So the truck was retrieved.
My daughter was so shaken that John drove from that point. Talk about an adrenaline rush!!!!!! The police talking with Teri asked her why she hang on like a bull dog. She explained that it was Papa's and Brandon's truck and that she was not going to just go away. The police discovered that the address where the truck was found was a vacant house and that the other car also had been stolen. They retrieved lots of prints from the truck and, no doubt, the house.
How do I feel about the whole incident? Now that it is over, I am so proud of Teri but when I heard of it, I was very horrified. The treasured truck was just something material and her life and the other lives were too precious to be put in danger for it. Her other son said she was "stupid" to put herself in such danger. Her brothers' were horrified at the position she put herself in. In hindsight she would have chosen to just wait down the street and let the police handle it. At the time, a mother's and daughter's love took over.
She may have cracked a car theft ring. I am so thankful that she is OK. It is just a bonus that the truck was retrieved.
That is enough excitement for the month!!!
Brandon has been driving now since March and uses the truck to get back and forth to school and to work. He has "spruced" up the truck, coming over to show me new wheels and sound system. He made it his own. So the following incident took on much emotion.
Sunday evening, June 5th, Dan and one of Brandon's friends, took the two boys' vehicles over to Dan's work and worked on brakes for the boys. Brandon was at work. After finishing Brandon's truck, they were working on John's, forgetting to take out the keys. They were just walking back into the garage when John heard Brandon's truck start. Someone was stealing it!!!!
After making the police report, they called Teri and Brandon, who started over to the shop after a fellow employee dropped a very upset Brandon home. How dare they steal Papa's and my truck!!!!!!!!
Upon arriving over to the shop, the guys decided to look for the truck. An uncle, who works as a dispatcher, suggested a perimeter to search. Teri wanted to be part of the search. They each took a mile road between Ryan and Mound, Teri getting the "safest" between 9 and 10 in Warren, John taking between 8 and 9 and Dan and Brandon taking between 8 and 7.
Who finds the truck? Mom. She spied it in a driveway and called John to come over to confirm it. Upon arriving, they walk up to check out the truck and, sure enough, it was Brandon's. Talk about a needle in a haystack. The men in the house saw them and headed out to their vehicles, one trying to push Teri's car out of the way, while Papa's truck took off over the neighbor's lawn and headed down the street with my foolish daughter following after it.
She following after it, tooting her horn the whole way and called the police and her husband to inform them as to what was going on. The police took over the chase around 8 Mile. They followed the truck into Detroit and found it abandoned after briefly losing it. It must have sideswiped another vehicle because there was some damage on the passenger door. So the truck was retrieved.
My daughter was so shaken that John drove from that point. Talk about an adrenaline rush!!!!!! The police talking with Teri asked her why she hang on like a bull dog. She explained that it was Papa's and Brandon's truck and that she was not going to just go away. The police discovered that the address where the truck was found was a vacant house and that the other car also had been stolen. They retrieved lots of prints from the truck and, no doubt, the house.
How do I feel about the whole incident? Now that it is over, I am so proud of Teri but when I heard of it, I was very horrified. The treasured truck was just something material and her life and the other lives were too precious to be put in danger for it. Her other son said she was "stupid" to put herself in such danger. Her brothers' were horrified at the position she put herself in. In hindsight she would have chosen to just wait down the street and let the police handle it. At the time, a mother's and daughter's love took over.
She may have cracked a car theft ring. I am so thankful that she is OK. It is just a bonus that the truck was retrieved.
That is enough excitement for the month!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Enduring Expressions of Love
Every morning that I wake up and open my shade, I see and feel Don's love...for me and for Jehovah's creation. It is like a big hug. This morning my eyes rested on yellow and red tulips, Monsella tulips (large yellow tulips with red stripes, blue lungwort, white paper daffodils with orange centers rimmed in red, golden daffodils that measure 5 1/2 inches across and full like a peony, his ice cream tulips that are just starting to open to show me their white scoop out of their pink cone, dianthus that are just starting to open in colors of red, pink, white and varigated. (This means mixed colors.) My eyes see the poppies getting bushier and ready to put up their pretty faces. Don's day lilies are also busy and soon I will see their faces. How can I be overly sad when My Sweetie presents me with flowers every morning? It is like and eternal hug. I can honestly say that I appreciated his love and efforts then and more so now. We shared many passions together, one of them for the beautiful flowers and to soil to work in.
I could go on and on because I have just scratched the surface although I am over half way through spring cleaning the yard. I worked about three hours on clean up detail yesterday and it was so beautiful. I remember our habit of working together every spring, cutting down the ornamental grasses and cultivating around the emerging babies. Stop by and get a hug from Don, too.
I had cataract surgery over the last two weeks and I can now see afar. I have always been nearsighted. Now I can count the bricks on the neighbor's house across the street. I must get a different hobby.
I checked on Don's headstone and it should be ready before July, I took a lot of time and prayer choosing the headstone. It is of pink granite cut into two hearts. The hearts are joined in the middle, overlapping a bit. On that overlapping space are two wedding rings intertwined, with our wedding date inscribed there. We are having a little ceremony and prayer that day. One of Don's best friends, Joel has agreed to do it for me. I intend to fix food so that we can spend the day together enjoying each others company.
Thank you so much for thinking of me as I think of you often. Thank you for the ongoing cards and expressions of love. I am a blessed woman and I know it. Luv U All, Barb
I could go on and on because I have just scratched the surface although I am over half way through spring cleaning the yard. I worked about three hours on clean up detail yesterday and it was so beautiful. I remember our habit of working together every spring, cutting down the ornamental grasses and cultivating around the emerging babies. Stop by and get a hug from Don, too.
I had cataract surgery over the last two weeks and I can now see afar. I have always been nearsighted. Now I can count the bricks on the neighbor's house across the street. I must get a different hobby.
I checked on Don's headstone and it should be ready before July, I took a lot of time and prayer choosing the headstone. It is of pink granite cut into two hearts. The hearts are joined in the middle, overlapping a bit. On that overlapping space are two wedding rings intertwined, with our wedding date inscribed there. We are having a little ceremony and prayer that day. One of Don's best friends, Joel has agreed to do it for me. I intend to fix food so that we can spend the day together enjoying each others company.
Thank you so much for thinking of me as I think of you often. Thank you for the ongoing cards and expressions of love. I am a blessed woman and I know it. Luv U All, Barb
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Ireland and Beyond
Well, I fulfilled Don's dream of going to Ireland. It was bitter-sweet because he was not with me but I enjoyed every minute of it.....for both of us. I know that he is not aware of me going because he is sleeping (Ecclesiastes 9:5-10). It comforted me to be where we were longing to go. I enjoyed the "Emerald Isle" and have many memories to share. The violin concerts that Elana was in were spectacular...bringing tears to my eyes at times. What a treat to share it with Don's family and the Waters. In addition to castles and the countryside with its stone walls, the trees were in full bloom and the flowers were everywhere. Don would have loved it. Grandson David is going to post a video of some pictures. He took 800. He, however, seldom takes them of people unless we force him too. He is a scenery guy. I will let you know how to access them.
I looked at the Irish clan names and found Baty. No O'Baty but Baty. Obviously, no crest was shown because the family must have left during the famine. We visited the museum in Cork where most of the emigrants left from. I can just see Don's family leaving for America. When we were in Wales in 2002, Don checked to find the name there, believing that the Baty's were Welsh. But the name was not there. Maybe the manifesto of the people is somewhere to find. I will try.
I am auxillary pioneering this month...that means I signed up to volunteer 30 hours to try and teach others. Because I was sick with bronchitis when I came home, I did not quite succeed but I came close and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I feel such a need to give back because of all the blessings I have had in my life. Jehovah had been exceptionally good to Don and I.
I have ordered the headstone for our grave.It is a double heart with wedding rings intertwined Our wedding date is there as is our dates of birth/death. My children saw the proofs and agreed with my choice. I had definite ideas about it and was successful and accomplishing it. The family is invited to the unveiling in June. i am not sure when but I will try to pick a convenient date. I will fix a simple meal so that we can be together for a bit more.
Thank you for reading my blog. I know I haven't been writing as much but it has proven to be a healing thing for me to express my feelings and my progress as I live my life on my own after 54 years....not something I was looking forward to but was thrust upon me.
I looked at the Irish clan names and found Baty. No O'Baty but Baty. Obviously, no crest was shown because the family must have left during the famine. We visited the museum in Cork where most of the emigrants left from. I can just see Don's family leaving for America. When we were in Wales in 2002, Don checked to find the name there, believing that the Baty's were Welsh. But the name was not there. Maybe the manifesto of the people is somewhere to find. I will try.
I am auxillary pioneering this month...that means I signed up to volunteer 30 hours to try and teach others. Because I was sick with bronchitis when I came home, I did not quite succeed but I came close and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I feel such a need to give back because of all the blessings I have had in my life. Jehovah had been exceptionally good to Don and I.
I have ordered the headstone for our grave.It is a double heart with wedding rings intertwined Our wedding date is there as is our dates of birth/death. My children saw the proofs and agreed with my choice. I had definite ideas about it and was successful and accomplishing it. The family is invited to the unveiling in June. i am not sure when but I will try to pick a convenient date. I will fix a simple meal so that we can be together for a bit more.
Thank you for reading my blog. I know I haven't been writing as much but it has proven to be a healing thing for me to express my feelings and my progress as I live my life on my own after 54 years....not something I was looking forward to but was thrust upon me.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Steps
I find myself regressing. I have days that I am profoundly sad. I thought it was just an uphill battle. It seems to be one step up and two back. I guess everyone deals with profound grief in different ways but I am surprised to see some of my progress reverse itself.
I am following the advice given at Proverbs 18:1 "The one isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing. Against all practical wisdom, they will break forth." I find myself wanting to just quit struggling. It would so easy just to fall asleep permenanty. Of course, I have no thoughts of suicide just an emptiness that wakes me up at night sometimes. I reach over and touch Don's pillow. So many times have I done that in the past. I also reached my foot over to touch his warm flesh but, of course, that is not now an option.
I went yesterday to start the process of picking out our gravestone. I have an idea of what I would like. Hopefully, it will be ready in May or June. I thought it would give me closure but I now know that only his resurrection will give me that.
I think about his unselfishness and know that I must go on and think of others who are also hurting. A little 4 year old boy in our congregation is dying of a brain tumor that the family valiantly fought until there was no more hope. I am so glad I know why we die and the hope for the dead or I would be very, very mad at Jehovah. Truly our God of Love does not cause death but is saddened by death, the enemy of mankind. He was so sad about it that he gave us his son to undo death and restore paradise in the future. I kidded with the Grandmother of the little boy that when Don comes back he will probably have Alante by the hand guiding him back to his family. He always had a special place for the children.
For now I try to keep busy doing unselfish things. I try to give something to someone every day, even if it just a smile or a prayer. I know that, as far as widows go, Don prepared me better than most. He pre-guided me. He assured me so strongly of his love by asking EVERYONE to watch out after me. He is not an equal to Jesus but he certainly has learned from him.
Thank you for reading my rambling thoughts. I had someone ask me if I was finished writing on my Blog. I guess not, as long as I have something to contribute to others. I know many family members are suffering as I am. His love reached to many people......even me. Barb
I am following the advice given at Proverbs 18:1 "The one isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing. Against all practical wisdom, they will break forth." I find myself wanting to just quit struggling. It would so easy just to fall asleep permenanty. Of course, I have no thoughts of suicide just an emptiness that wakes me up at night sometimes. I reach over and touch Don's pillow. So many times have I done that in the past. I also reached my foot over to touch his warm flesh but, of course, that is not now an option.
I went yesterday to start the process of picking out our gravestone. I have an idea of what I would like. Hopefully, it will be ready in May or June. I thought it would give me closure but I now know that only his resurrection will give me that.
I think about his unselfishness and know that I must go on and think of others who are also hurting. A little 4 year old boy in our congregation is dying of a brain tumor that the family valiantly fought until there was no more hope. I am so glad I know why we die and the hope for the dead or I would be very, very mad at Jehovah. Truly our God of Love does not cause death but is saddened by death, the enemy of mankind. He was so sad about it that he gave us his son to undo death and restore paradise in the future. I kidded with the Grandmother of the little boy that when Don comes back he will probably have Alante by the hand guiding him back to his family. He always had a special place for the children.
For now I try to keep busy doing unselfish things. I try to give something to someone every day, even if it just a smile or a prayer. I know that, as far as widows go, Don prepared me better than most. He pre-guided me. He assured me so strongly of his love by asking EVERYONE to watch out after me. He is not an equal to Jesus but he certainly has learned from him.
Thank you for reading my rambling thoughts. I had someone ask me if I was finished writing on my Blog. I guess not, as long as I have something to contribute to others. I know many family members are suffering as I am. His love reached to many people......even me. Barb
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Weekend Fun
I just had the most enjoyable weekend. Elana spent Friday-through-Sunday with me. I planned on making it a vacation for me, too. We went out for Hani's at National Coney Island at her recommendation. We walked for about 30 minutes, too, at the Macomb Mall. She had forgotten her tennis shoes so she walked in her boots. She tried on a pair of mine but she takes an 8 1/2 and mine are only 7 1/2. She is now almost a head taller than me. I really don't mind being a short grandmother. We talked like two old people, one of the topics being Papa. It is so nice that she can finally be really open about his death. She, too, has faith in the resurrection, which pleases me no end.
We played games (Inner Circle & Sequense). For those of you who have not played them yet, they both require stategy and concentration. We were pretty even as to wins and losses but I really tried very hard to "beat her butt". She is no easy target. At Four O'clock, she went with me on a Bible Study. She was really contributing, too.
Saturday, we went out in Field Service. We worked with the Prieto girls (one older and one younger than Elana). The girls were a riot. Sister Daily was also. I had suggested a mature sister go with us and Sister Daily was perfect. We laughed and laughed and enjoyed the work and being together tremendously. All the girls had positive responses because it is so nice to see such nice young ladies taking their spiritual need seriously. We lunched at Mc Donalds afterwards, Don's treat. (He had about $100 in his money clip when he died. I stuck it in my Service bag and have been using it on breaks. Don would have been pleased that his spending money bought lunch for the five of us. He was partial to young people. I really loved him for that. We went out for a pizza in the evening even though we had quite a bit of new snow and BAM,.....I cut it short at the end of my street and caught my front end in a snowbank. EEEEKKKS!!!! Thanks to good neighbors and Elana's shoveling efforts, we got out. Then I could not get up my driveway because the car would not climb. We went inside and enjoyed the HOT pizza and then went out and shoveled the driveway and I easily pulled into the garage. Life is exciting.
On Sunday, we studied our Bible lesson together. It was about Zeal and how Jesus showed zeal for his father's house with the moneychangers. Some very good points and comments at the meeting, Elana commenting also. When we got home, Elana practiced her violin. She is preparing for a Suzuki trip to Ireland with the teenage players where she takes lessons. I would like to go with her but bowed out when I found out that it will be 40 degrees and rainy. After hearing the sweetness of the songs she was practicing, I am determined to go. The opportunity to go with the group ends tomorrow so I hope that I can still squeeze in. We were playing games again when Mom and Dad came back from up north. They told me that they had a great time...Honey and Honey Time. But they could not have possibly had as good a time at Elana and I. I miss Don terribly but I know that life goes on. I await his resurrection in the future when Jehovah has one government over the earth and brings his servants back to live on the earth. I know that this is not what I was taught as a Catholic but the Bible doesn't lie, nor does Jehovah God. For those of you who do not yet know who Jehovah is, please do some research into the subject in your Bible and in the History Books. Luv U All Barb
We played games (Inner Circle & Sequense). For those of you who have not played them yet, they both require stategy and concentration. We were pretty even as to wins and losses but I really tried very hard to "beat her butt". She is no easy target. At Four O'clock, she went with me on a Bible Study. She was really contributing, too.
Saturday, we went out in Field Service. We worked with the Prieto girls (one older and one younger than Elana). The girls were a riot. Sister Daily was also. I had suggested a mature sister go with us and Sister Daily was perfect. We laughed and laughed and enjoyed the work and being together tremendously. All the girls had positive responses because it is so nice to see such nice young ladies taking their spiritual need seriously. We lunched at Mc Donalds afterwards, Don's treat. (He had about $100 in his money clip when he died. I stuck it in my Service bag and have been using it on breaks. Don would have been pleased that his spending money bought lunch for the five of us. He was partial to young people. I really loved him for that. We went out for a pizza in the evening even though we had quite a bit of new snow and BAM,.....I cut it short at the end of my street and caught my front end in a snowbank. EEEEKKKS!!!! Thanks to good neighbors and Elana's shoveling efforts, we got out. Then I could not get up my driveway because the car would not climb. We went inside and enjoyed the HOT pizza and then went out and shoveled the driveway and I easily pulled into the garage. Life is exciting.
On Sunday, we studied our Bible lesson together. It was about Zeal and how Jesus showed zeal for his father's house with the moneychangers. Some very good points and comments at the meeting, Elana commenting also. When we got home, Elana practiced her violin. She is preparing for a Suzuki trip to Ireland with the teenage players where she takes lessons. I would like to go with her but bowed out when I found out that it will be 40 degrees and rainy. After hearing the sweetness of the songs she was practicing, I am determined to go. The opportunity to go with the group ends tomorrow so I hope that I can still squeeze in. We were playing games again when Mom and Dad came back from up north. They told me that they had a great time...Honey and Honey Time. But they could not have possibly had as good a time at Elana and I. I miss Don terribly but I know that life goes on. I await his resurrection in the future when Jehovah has one government over the earth and brings his servants back to live on the earth. I know that this is not what I was taught as a Catholic but the Bible doesn't lie, nor does Jehovah God. For those of you who do not yet know who Jehovah is, please do some research into the subject in your Bible and in the History Books. Luv U All Barb
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
6 Months
It has been 6 long months since my Sweetie died. I still have difficulty reading obituaries. Too sad to think of all that experience and knowledge and abilities ending. I know that it is not permanently ended but the world is poorer for the loss. I know my life is "poorer" because of Don's death.
The snowstorm wasn't as bad as forecasted (Is it ever?). Bob Harris was over by 8;30 a.m. starting up Don's snowplow, the dear. Before he was half done, Brian Brennan was here too, shoveling off the front before Bob could get to it. I feel almost selfish because I have so many people helping me. I don't take it for granted, but I know other women in my position who have to get out and shovel. I guess it a return for all that Don and I did when we were younger. I guess we "cast our bread upon the water". In the afternoon, Matt Elie called and inquired about my snow. He was planning on coming over with Deanna and Evan for a visit. They came around 4:30 p.m. Before they arrived, Bill Koch and two young men (brothers?) came over and plowed the 3 inches or so that had fallen.Then Angie called and inquired about the snow situation because Phil was ready to come over and dig me out. Thank you seems inadequate. But Don offered to pay Brian once and he said "Brother Baty, I am not a teenager who needs the money." Don gave in.
I thought about Don a lot today and still shudder when I think of him in the cold, hard ground. I know that he is sleeping awaiting a resurrection and that Jehovah will not use the same elements to recreate him but it still saddens me to think of that body that I loved to lay there. It never affected me before when someone died but then that was my Best Friend and Sweetie.
I am going to see about the headstone when the weather breaks. I spoke with David and Don, Jr. and they left it up to me to decide. David seemed to rather prefer that I purchased the stone in Michigan so I will.
Am I lonely? Sometimes. Am I depressed? Sometimes. Do I cry? Sometimes. Do I miss Don? All the time. I am really glad that we studied the Bible together and proved to ourselves what the Truth is about death, sin, the ransom, the resurrection, God's name, God's purpose for man and the earth and his plans to have one government over the earth someday soon. This knowledge shores me up and stabilizes me to endure being alone. I'll never like it but I can endure it. Don't get me wrong, I like "me" time but I have too much of it.
I have a "warm fuzzy" yesterday when I found a copy of a talk that Don had given several years ago. I listened to his sweet voice explaining scripture and my heart was warmed. He loved teaching the "Truth" and for those who took the time to learn (including us) our lives changed vastly for the better.
I liked being a Catholic but I LOVE being one of Jehovah's people. His strength continues to shore me up and give me hope for the future. I know that someday in the future, I will see my Don again. He died to soon!!!! I just want to hug him again and do "spoons" in bed. I wear socks to bed now because my feet stay cold for hours. He used to warm them up. He would say "Put your feet on my leg and I will warm you up". Does it get any better than that? Quite a man, a real man! I know that he could be controlling but it seemed always to protect. His motives were always good. Did he have a selfish bone in his body? In 54 years, I never found one. I'll love him forever.
With love,
Barb/Gram/Mom/Friend
The snowstorm wasn't as bad as forecasted (Is it ever?). Bob Harris was over by 8;30 a.m. starting up Don's snowplow, the dear. Before he was half done, Brian Brennan was here too, shoveling off the front before Bob could get to it. I feel almost selfish because I have so many people helping me. I don't take it for granted, but I know other women in my position who have to get out and shovel. I guess it a return for all that Don and I did when we were younger. I guess we "cast our bread upon the water". In the afternoon, Matt Elie called and inquired about my snow. He was planning on coming over with Deanna and Evan for a visit. They came around 4:30 p.m. Before they arrived, Bill Koch and two young men (brothers?) came over and plowed the 3 inches or so that had fallen.Then Angie called and inquired about the snow situation because Phil was ready to come over and dig me out. Thank you seems inadequate. But Don offered to pay Brian once and he said "Brother Baty, I am not a teenager who needs the money." Don gave in.
I thought about Don a lot today and still shudder when I think of him in the cold, hard ground. I know that he is sleeping awaiting a resurrection and that Jehovah will not use the same elements to recreate him but it still saddens me to think of that body that I loved to lay there. It never affected me before when someone died but then that was my Best Friend and Sweetie.
I am going to see about the headstone when the weather breaks. I spoke with David and Don, Jr. and they left it up to me to decide. David seemed to rather prefer that I purchased the stone in Michigan so I will.
Am I lonely? Sometimes. Am I depressed? Sometimes. Do I cry? Sometimes. Do I miss Don? All the time. I am really glad that we studied the Bible together and proved to ourselves what the Truth is about death, sin, the ransom, the resurrection, God's name, God's purpose for man and the earth and his plans to have one government over the earth someday soon. This knowledge shores me up and stabilizes me to endure being alone. I'll never like it but I can endure it. Don't get me wrong, I like "me" time but I have too much of it.
I have a "warm fuzzy" yesterday when I found a copy of a talk that Don had given several years ago. I listened to his sweet voice explaining scripture and my heart was warmed. He loved teaching the "Truth" and for those who took the time to learn (including us) our lives changed vastly for the better.
I liked being a Catholic but I LOVE being one of Jehovah's people. His strength continues to shore me up and give me hope for the future. I know that someday in the future, I will see my Don again. He died to soon!!!! I just want to hug him again and do "spoons" in bed. I wear socks to bed now because my feet stay cold for hours. He used to warm them up. He would say "Put your feet on my leg and I will warm you up". Does it get any better than that? Quite a man, a real man! I know that he could be controlling but it seemed always to protect. His motives were always good. Did he have a selfish bone in his body? In 54 years, I never found one. I'll love him forever.
With love,
Barb/Gram/Mom/Friend
Sunday, January 2, 2011
5 Months
It has now been 5 months since my Sweetie left me. He left me some sweet memories but I would trade them for a few more days talking to him and holding him. What a difference in my life. It is not as though my life is over but I know the best part of my life is over. At 72, even if I have special mightiness, I cannot hope to live much longer than 25 years more. What a tragedy that our life span is so short. It may not seem short to a youngster but it passes so quickly...too quickly. I think a lot about what I would like to say to Don...wishing for an opportunity to hug him one more time.
I have been listening to our song: Unchained Melody by Al Hibbler. I have one copy in the C drive of the computer and on in my CD player in the car. I cried the first time I had the courage to listen to it again. But I was touched deeply by the sweet memories of falling in love with Don to that music. It had a melting effect. I listened to Patsy Cline's songs too but they just made me weep.
I have been spending the last 5 months in recovery mode. I have established my own pattern and schedule. I think of Don a lot. He is on my mind so much of the time when I make decisions. He always looked out for me. Now I open my own door, put on my own coat and hold my own counsel. I always thought I appreciated and did not take for granted the love we shared for so long. Not true! No way can you anticipate the void that the death of your best friend makes.
I have also been spending the last 5 months reaffirming my love and trust in my God, Jehovah. We trusted in His promises before but never were tested to the degree that I find myself tested. Do I really believe in the hope of the Resurrection? Have I been taught the truth about the Resurrection? Is there more to learn about the Resurrection? I have searched the scriptures and prayed for guidance. I have come to the conclusion that we DID understand the truth about what happens when we die and what the hope is for people who have died in the past. As difficult as it is to go on after you have lost your life's companion, it is a reality that I must deal with. I trust the Bible's explanation about why we die and what God's thinking is on what He will do about it. Jesus demonstrated God's will when he resurrected people in the first century. I trust that account. I also trust Jesus' words about a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous.
I know that my marriage contract was severed when my marriage mate died. I also know that my emotional attachment will never end....and my love for my special Don. Life is still worth living but not in the same way as before. Now I grieve daily but don't allow it to immobilize me into inactivity. I continue to serve my God Jehovah to the best of my ability. Loving Jehovah is easy. Who could not love a God who wants us to be happy and has orchestrated a plan to undo the curse that mankind is presently under. No wonder 1John 5:7 says "God is love".
I look ahead today on the 5th month anniversary of Don's death and my heart is humbled by all the love that has been and continues to be shown in my behalf. I have so many blessings and so many good, godly friends and family. I am a blessed woman and I know it. I love you all, Barb, Gram, Mom, Sister
I have been listening to our song: Unchained Melody by Al Hibbler. I have one copy in the C drive of the computer and on in my CD player in the car. I cried the first time I had the courage to listen to it again. But I was touched deeply by the sweet memories of falling in love with Don to that music. It had a melting effect. I listened to Patsy Cline's songs too but they just made me weep.
I have been spending the last 5 months in recovery mode. I have established my own pattern and schedule. I think of Don a lot. He is on my mind so much of the time when I make decisions. He always looked out for me. Now I open my own door, put on my own coat and hold my own counsel. I always thought I appreciated and did not take for granted the love we shared for so long. Not true! No way can you anticipate the void that the death of your best friend makes.
I have also been spending the last 5 months reaffirming my love and trust in my God, Jehovah. We trusted in His promises before but never were tested to the degree that I find myself tested. Do I really believe in the hope of the Resurrection? Have I been taught the truth about the Resurrection? Is there more to learn about the Resurrection? I have searched the scriptures and prayed for guidance. I have come to the conclusion that we DID understand the truth about what happens when we die and what the hope is for people who have died in the past. As difficult as it is to go on after you have lost your life's companion, it is a reality that I must deal with. I trust the Bible's explanation about why we die and what God's thinking is on what He will do about it. Jesus demonstrated God's will when he resurrected people in the first century. I trust that account. I also trust Jesus' words about a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous.
I know that my marriage contract was severed when my marriage mate died. I also know that my emotional attachment will never end....and my love for my special Don. Life is still worth living but not in the same way as before. Now I grieve daily but don't allow it to immobilize me into inactivity. I continue to serve my God Jehovah to the best of my ability. Loving Jehovah is easy. Who could not love a God who wants us to be happy and has orchestrated a plan to undo the curse that mankind is presently under. No wonder 1John 5:7 says "God is love".
I look ahead today on the 5th month anniversary of Don's death and my heart is humbled by all the love that has been and continues to be shown in my behalf. I have so many blessings and so many good, godly friends and family. I am a blessed woman and I know it. I love you all, Barb, Gram, Mom, Sister
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