It has been 6 long months since my Sweetie died. I still have difficulty reading obituaries. Too sad to think of all that experience and knowledge and abilities ending. I know that it is not permanently ended but the world is poorer for the loss. I know my life is "poorer" because of Don's death.
The snowstorm wasn't as bad as forecasted (Is it ever?). Bob Harris was over by 8;30 a.m. starting up Don's snowplow, the dear. Before he was half done, Brian Brennan was here too, shoveling off the front before Bob could get to it. I feel almost selfish because I have so many people helping me. I don't take it for granted, but I know other women in my position who have to get out and shovel. I guess it a return for all that Don and I did when we were younger. I guess we "cast our bread upon the water". In the afternoon, Matt Elie called and inquired about my snow. He was planning on coming over with Deanna and Evan for a visit. They came around 4:30 p.m. Before they arrived, Bill Koch and two young men (brothers?) came over and plowed the 3 inches or so that had fallen.Then Angie called and inquired about the snow situation because Phil was ready to come over and dig me out. Thank you seems inadequate. But Don offered to pay Brian once and he said "Brother Baty, I am not a teenager who needs the money." Don gave in.
I thought about Don a lot today and still shudder when I think of him in the cold, hard ground. I know that he is sleeping awaiting a resurrection and that Jehovah will not use the same elements to recreate him but it still saddens me to think of that body that I loved to lay there. It never affected me before when someone died but then that was my Best Friend and Sweetie.
I am going to see about the headstone when the weather breaks. I spoke with David and Don, Jr. and they left it up to me to decide. David seemed to rather prefer that I purchased the stone in Michigan so I will.
Am I lonely? Sometimes. Am I depressed? Sometimes. Do I cry? Sometimes. Do I miss Don? All the time. I am really glad that we studied the Bible together and proved to ourselves what the Truth is about death, sin, the ransom, the resurrection, God's name, God's purpose for man and the earth and his plans to have one government over the earth someday soon. This knowledge shores me up and stabilizes me to endure being alone. I'll never like it but I can endure it. Don't get me wrong, I like "me" time but I have too much of it.
I have a "warm fuzzy" yesterday when I found a copy of a talk that Don had given several years ago. I listened to his sweet voice explaining scripture and my heart was warmed. He loved teaching the "Truth" and for those who took the time to learn (including us) our lives changed vastly for the better.
I liked being a Catholic but I LOVE being one of Jehovah's people. His strength continues to shore me up and give me hope for the future. I know that someday in the future, I will see my Don again. He died to soon!!!! I just want to hug him again and do "spoons" in bed. I wear socks to bed now because my feet stay cold for hours. He used to warm them up. He would say "Put your feet on my leg and I will warm you up". Does it get any better than that? Quite a man, a real man! I know that he could be controlling but it seemed always to protect. His motives were always good. Did he have a selfish bone in his body? In 54 years, I never found one. I'll love him forever.
With love,
Barb/Gram/Mom/Friend
