I signed on to Facebook but found out that I was innundated with requests to be my friend. That was not why I thought to go to Facebook. I don't have time for a social network. I already have a great social network with my family and friends. So I guess I will continue to blog so as to keep in touch with so many of my friends and family. If you are not interested in hearing about my daily tediousnesses, then don't go to the blog anymore. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I wouldn't want anyone to compromise their integrity or use too much time that could be used constructively elsewhere.
I have been busy today. I started with a walk then worked on my kitchen some more. I just have my freezer to organize. So many things got stuffed in there. I still have some raspberries in there to make some jam. That is one of next week's jobs. That will make some room.
I went to the bank today and got accounts switched and questions answered. Don used to take care of all of that. He had, however, taken the time to explain a lot to me so I am not too in the dark. My life insurance agent is coming over tomorrow and then I will know how much I will have to draw out of savings. Don was very good about saving. I think he has saved a part of his check since we were married. This left me with a little nest egg. Don didn't want me to have to ask for the price of ticket to fly out to Colorado to see Dave's family. He even counseled me "don't be a mooch".
I took a long nap this afternoon. I still tire out pretty easily, although I am sleeping fairly well at night. I awake in the morning, check out the back yard flowers from my bedroom window every morning. One of the family members asked me if I was depressed. I thought about that question. I answered: No. I don't know why not, but there it is. Jehovah still has me under both arms and holding me up. I awake every day with energy and plans. Although I miss Don terribly, I will go on with my life. That was what he wanted me to do. I write out a list every morning, or the night before. I have tomorrow's list jammed already.
I am going to the District Convention with the Wyne family. They will pick me up at 6 tomorrow night. I am going to use the room that Don booked in January for us. Perhaps my daughter-in-law Anne and granddaughter Elana will spend one night with me. Same price for 1 or 4 so I could allow it. I would like that.
Well, I am going to start my Family Worship Night on Wednesday instead of Tuesday so I am going to sign off and start hitting the books. Thank you for sticking with me. Love you, Barb
Have a wonderful DC with your friends and family. The program is very personal this year. I found it easy to relate to and to draw comfort from. One symposium in particular - on Sunday morning - entitled "Appreciating Jehovah's Endearing Personality" really touched me.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are finding constructive things to do and that you are able to smile at some little pleasures in life. I KNOW that is what Don would have wanted for you. And it in no way diminishes your love for or loss of Don.
I didn't understand how much parents wish to maintain their independence until my own parents entered their retirement years. I respect you greatly for not wanting to "mooch." And I definately respect Don for planning ahead and leaving you with provisions. But giving is a joy so once in a while my parents let me treat them to a gift or a dinner out. :)
Hope your jam turns out yummy. Keep us posted!
Love you
Laura (w)
Barb,
ReplyDeleteYou will enjoy the Convention. Carol and I have had ours already, and it was a spiritual "shot in the arm." You will love the new releases!
I can only imagine how much you miss your hubby, but I am pretty sure that he would want you to move on, and not be overly sad forever.
Much love to you and family!
Ron L.
I found with my own experience when my husband died 19 years ago, that I tried to do everything and more that I did before my husband died, and really tired myself out I was in shock for 4 months after my husband died. I know because when I went to the doctor, I asked her why it felt like hot lead running through my arms. She said it was adrenalin, the body's natural anesthesia. Every morning when I would wake up and start remembering and thinking, then I would feel that feeling in my arms again. It didn't' go away for 4 months. It really hit me later. I think I exhausted my adrenals. I found I could function well for a time, but now and again I would need a "grieving day" and would spend the day on the love seat under an afghan, resting, regrouping. I did go through a period of depression. I always had the attitude of wanting to do at least one productive thing a day while I was depressed and healing. Sometimes it was just getting to the mailbox was all I could do. Then I wallpapered the bathroom, and then I could do more bit by bit. The stages of grieving are different with each one, as well as the lengths of each stage. The hardest thing was when they brought in a brother from another congregation to fill Mike's secretary spot on the elder body. Also, when everyone else got on with their lives, I was still stuck in time. Sometimes I still feel stuck in time after all these years. I try not to live in the shadow of the dead person and have tried to make my own life. That is why I have made many changes, among other reasons. Sometimes I don't think I have been very successful. Jehovah is a Great God of Comfort and a God of widows. He can care for you better than any human husband. I know. I have experienced it. Sometimes I don't know how I have gotten this far. Jehovah is still upholding me. Your blogs are very helpful to me, because it reminds me of a place and time with my own situation and brings back memories. Your memories will sustain you. You had over 54 years of them. I was only married shy of 4 years. But he still changed my life for the better. I have lots to tell him in the new world after he's resurrected. Now our job is to get there. I have no doubt in your strong faith. Your faith has strengthened me. Thank you.
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