Different Life

Some things are the same...like the flowers outside my window, my study materials, where I keep my toothbrush. But some things are so different...like when I eat, what I eat, how often I wash, My going to the gas station to get gas, even how I sleep. I sleep with my hand on his pillow. It comforts me somehow.

Don anticipated so many of my needs. I see his hand when I do so many things..like I cleaned the hall closet where I keep the medicines and the supplies like deodorant. I found an extra shaving creme, an extra deodorant and Don's Efferdent for his dental partial. My goal is to find out where all the things are. I will start in his office next week. I am planning on switching all my study material upstairs and to combine with his.

One thing that I did do today that I haven't done in ages. I played Tetra on the computer. Don did not want me to load it on the computer because it would slow down our computer, plus it is a time waster. I recognized both of these valid points. I circumvented them in this way. We now have high speed internet which Don had gotten about six months ago. Also, I have more time on my hands now. I seldom watch TV. The Tetra Game is on Facebook, one of my friends informed me. So I do not load up my computer.

My morning in service went well. I had some every heartening discussions with some very nice people. So,all in all, my days have been passing pleasantly and productively. I enjoyed that the weather was cooler.

Thank you for checking on me. Barb

pioneering

For the last two days, I have been out in service to our God Jehovah. I have gone on three Bible studies, in the business territory, in the door to door work, in the return visit work and in the street work and I am tired but very happy. Jehovah is strengthening me tremendously. My friends have been very supportive and I have been using my Bible to strengthen others. What better use of my time? This afternoon, I have my personal study time and my meeting tonight, after I rest my tired body for about 1/1/2 hours. Tonight I have my meeting. I am mourning but not overly sad. So many things remind me of Don...like going out to serve our God Jehovah, our study times together to prepare for out meetings together. Life is not lonely, like Don is still walking with me though I know it is just a memory.... but a sweet memory. My heart is smiling through the tears.

Tomorrow, I have a full schedule for my day off. I will start with a walk if it is not raining. I will then keep an appointment to get new tires on my car to keep it safe for me to drive and for others to ride in. Don had already told me that I needed to get it done before winter....looking out for me yet. Then I will meet Anne and Colin and, perhaps Larissa, to pick up Colin's watch. He spent the money from Papa to buy a new Bulova watch. On the back, he had engraved one of the sayings that Papa said so often. I don't remember which one but I will see it tomorrow. Then in the afternoon, I have an appointment to get my hair cut. I guess Don's hair is still growing, too. I used to cut it but I cannot still do it. I will keep his barber set until I hear of someone else who can use it.

But it is still today, so I will go now and start my personal study period. That was also very important for Don and I. It keep us close to our God Jehovah, each other and tuned into God's thoughts and purposes.

Love you all,

Barb

Moving Faster

I am truly starting to feel stronger and moving faster. My throat glands are going down and I am finished with my antibiotic. I went for a half hour walk in the neighborhood this morning and the air was sweet.

The counsel that I took home from my recent Convention in Toledo was to mourn but not to be sad overmuch. I am trying to live in today and to keep busy. I had such a good Christian marriage and a loving, though imperfect, sweetheart. I treasure so many memories of the good times that we shared. We had 12 years of retirement together. We took some nice trips, we ate at some nice places, we walked in some beautiful forests, along the banks of many rivers and streams, holding hands and smiling at each other. I was so blessed and am still so blessed. My family has been rock solid behind me and Don, assisting in every way possible. My friends were and are a loving support system. My God Jehovah has been the Rock that he promised. Who had or has a much as me? I dare not complain.

I went to my meeting yesterday. One of my former Bible studies, Alison Chambers, was in town for a family funeral and called for me to pick her up. She is now in Georgia telling about our great God Jehovah. She is a wonderful lady. Her husband is in a wheelchair or uses a walker so Alison must be a hard worker. She is!!!!It was nice to see her again. We may go out Tuesday together, talking to people about Jehovah. I would love that as she is a wonderful companion.

Well, I have to get a few groceries and run some errands and write some thank you cards so I had better get going or it will be noon. I have to make hay while the sun shines....and it is shining brightly today. All your prayers are helping me to move on with my life.

Thank you and I love you,

Barb

Don's Clothes

I was working on the front closet today. I saw Don's good Trench Coat that he wore to meetings and his Trench Coats that he wore out in service and his nice new woolen Overcoat for winter. I could not even touch them. I finished my closet, moving only some pull-on boots and several heavy winter coats downstairs. I guess this is a part of missing him and mourning but it is very difficult and puts a catch in my throat.

I have many suits of Don's because, being a public speaker and a regular publisher of the Good News in the Mount Clemens area, he dressed up a lot. He wore his clothes so well. He had three new suits that he bought last fall. I found one brother who wears the same size. He cannot possibly need all these suits, wonderful dress shirts, dress and casual pants and nice sweaters. Maybe I will wear some of his sweaters this winter around the house. Don was so careful with his clothes and his shoes that they are all in good shape. How do I empty his closet? I am not ready yet. I am not even ready to empty his dresser. Am I a chicken or what?

One of my Bible students is up from Georgia: Alison Chambers. Some of you know her. I am going to pick her up for the meeting tomorrow. Maybe we can spend some time together.

Signing Off,

Barb

Wren's Nest

Today a loving sister had invited myself, another newly widowed sister a little younger than myself and a young sister out to A TEA. We were all looking forward to it. The name of the place was the Wren's Nest located at a Bed and Breakfast over in Bloomfield Hills (I believe). When we got to the place, it was a little disconcerting. The flower beds looked unattended and there were chickens running around. There were to be 14 of us sisters at THE TEA. When we went in, Laura (who invited me) stepped into some bird waste. What a start!!! While she cleaned that off, we sat at one of the tea tables. The lace tablecloth was soiled (probably stained) but it was also slightly ripped. The toilets were not clean either. An old woman came out to greet us and she looked rather bedraggled. I have no sense of smell left because of my sjogren's (autoimmune). The other sisters were not pleased with the smell. When some of the other sisters, including Rene Sprankle, who booked The TEA, they were dismayed at the appearance of the place. The sister who went into the restroom found human waste in the toilet which was not very clean either. Rene informed the lady that we couldn't possibly have tea under those conditions and we left and stopped at the Kona Grill in Troy for lunch. We were really starved by that time.

So the moral of the story is if you want to go to The TEA, don't go to the Wren's Nest. Still had a wonderful afternoon with Laura, Geri and Kelly. Thanks Laura for thinking of me. Barb

Today would have been our 54th Anniversary. I planned on going out in the door to door work with some of my friends and then Don's 3 sisters had invited me out to lunch. My sister Betty was invited also.

When we got to the restaurant, Ann Marie and Lara were there too. I found out that Anne Kimberly and Elana were coming. What a nice time we had. I was still given an Anniversary card by the sisters and a GIFT. What could they have gotten for me? Upon opening the gift I found a very personal gift: A statue for my yard with three little girls back to back mimicing see-no-evil, hear-no evil, speak-no-evil. I was told that it was a gift from my three little sisters.

When Don and I married, Betty was 15, Pat was 7 (our flower girl) and Bobbie was 3. I gained three younger sisters then. And great little sisters they were and are!!!! I was very teary eyed. They announced that "same date next year." What sweet gals.

I was not looking forward to my Anniversary date and they must have known that. They have been cooking this up for a while. After I arrived back home, my friend Peggy stopped by after work because she remembered it was my Anniversary Date. She just came over to hug me and let me know that she was thinking of me. I also received a "thinking of you" card from my Maid of Honor, Mary Ann. I am truly blessed, I know. I didn't know I cast so much bread on the waters.

Love you all,


Barb

Continuing

Started my day by walking around the block. I have to get my right hip in shape again. It crunches sometimes when I walk. Starting to get the house in order again. Feeling better today. My throat is not as sore and my glands not as swollen. Finally put the suitcases back from going to Convention and finished Thank You cards.

Tomorrow I go down to Children's Hospital with Teri to get Brandon testing again for neurological problems. Hopefully, he has outgrown his epilepsy. Wednesday I have plans to go out in service starting early at 8. It would have been my 54th Anniversary on Wednesday. Don's sweet sisters called to invite me out to lunch that day. I think I will do OK. Who knows what lurks in our minds?

I'm going to bed early because have an early day tomorrow. Thanks for continuing to check on me. Barb

Lights Back On

Well, the last two days have been quite a trip. A tornado touched down about a mile from me. A tree fell across the road just west of my driveway and a big branch from the neighbor's tree fell into the apron of my driveway. I was at my meeting so I missed all of the excitement. We heard the tornado siren, the lights flickered one time but the storm passed quickly and soon it was light out again.

By the time I arrived home, my neighbors had pulled the debris from my driveway so I was able to drive right on in. The electricity was out so the neighborhood was dark. My garage door wouldn't open so I parked between the two houses because that tree was still leaning over. As I got out of the car, Sister Sue Mundy from down the street came up my driveway with her dog and asked if I was OK. She told me about the excitement and asked if I needed help getting inside and getting a flashlight. I knew just where the flashlight was and had my key out. As I walked into the bedroom to get the flashlight, I thought: "Jehovah is still taking care of me."

I slept fitfully that night. The next day, Friday, was a blur. I know that I went for a walk. I caught up on my sleep. I read my paper, I read my Bible. I answered the corded landline phone. I went to the doctor's again because my glands on each side of my jaw were swollen and my salivary glands were like hard bunches of grapes. He put me on a strong antibiotic, saying that my immune system must be very weak.

I was told that the power should be on by 7 at night. Sister Pfropper kept in touch with me several times, offering to come and get me or get her guys to set up a generator. I declined because I was not afraid, just tired. Ben and Zack Pfropper and Jon Wyne came over around 8 and hooked up a generator so I did not lose my refrigerator contents. I was again so thankful to Jehovah. I now had a lamp but I went to bed almost right away. I was exhausted....must have been the trauma.

I woke up Saturday morning to darkness again. Brother Borgne came over and refilled the generator gas around 9 am. Again I saw Jehovah's loving hand through his people. I was thankful that the day was fairly cool. It was cool in the basement but with no lights, it would be difficult to stay down there. My lights came on at 9 that night while Jen was checking on me. I was exhausted when I went to bed. I guess trauma does exhaust one. I was thankful that it had not happened while Don was so sick.

Today I am getting ready to go go my Sunday meeting. My alarm was a welcome sound and I felt more able. My answering machine was blinking with two messages that I would have gotten Thursday night if the power had been on. I'm going to hop in the shower and get ready. Thank you for checking up on me. Barb

Not Skipping About Yet

As I start another day, I think about all I have left. Don has left me with so many sweet memories and learning experiences. He touched so many lives but I was the one he touched the most. Being so young when we married, we kind of grew up together. So many of life's lessons were learned together. I must say that he had a sense of direction that I lacked. I was just starry eyed. He, on the other hand, was mature beyond his years due to his experiences at the oldest in the family.

I, of course, brought into the marriage a good work ethic. No traces of drone in me. I was very book learned but not very world learned. Having older parents, I grew up in a secure protected nest, seeing little conflict. I grew up to be a good student who felt I had a responsibility to use my intellect. I was very studious and a reader. My favorite pasttime was reading.

Don was my intellectual equal. I think he may have had an even higher IQ. There was never any conflict between our minds as we respected each others thoughts. He was prone to correct me when I made a misstep. Sometimes it aggravated me but I knew he was only looking out for me, wanting me not to offend or be rude to someone. I am glad I was humble and trainable.

I credit him with the person I am. My kindness came from my mother and father as I grew up with kindness. My religious need was implanted in me by both of my parents. I would not date Don unless he was a Catholic because I was serious about remaining a Catholic. I only changed when I found the Bible truths that conflicted. Again, I credit Don with looking at the Bible honestly. My life was changed forever because of his direction and self sacrificing nature.

I tried to be a good mother. I was a young mother. 18 years old and a baby who needed lots of care. Again, Don knew more about children than I,having 3 younger sisters, and guided me. He always went with me to the Doctor's appointment, both when I was pregnant and when the children went. He would come home from work, eat and then drive to the doctor's. He was much firmer with the children than I was. I would have been a pushover...doing for them all the time, as I saw the need. He counseled me to teach them to do for themselves. We became a true team with our children. He was better at talking with them while I worked unceasingly.

As to skipping about, I do have a slight spring in my step so the future looks tolerable ahead. My family and friends have been "sticking close". I have so much to live for that sometimes I feel guilty. Don is no longer here to enjoy life. I have much more support than some other widows. Widow is a strange thought. I had to put that information on a paper the other day. Seemed strange!!Rather barren.

Today I am accomplishing some more tasks surrounding paperwork. Maybe I will clean out a closet (mine). I am not ready to go into Don's closet yet.

Bye for now. Thank you for allowing me to sound off in memories.

Barb

Going On With Life With a Smile

I returned last night from Toledo, Ohio, where I attended the JW Convention. It was a three day high as it usually is. I wasn't sure how I would do. Anne Kimberly and Elana stayed with me Friday night and Saturday night because they missed their convention when David and Donna were home to see Dad and I.I found out how it felt to sleep triple in a King Sized Bed. I have already read one of the releases that deals with "The Origins of Life: 5 questions worth asking". I loved it because of the break down of the DNA among other reasoning. Amazing!!!! Science proves creation to me.

I was very tired this morning as is normal after a convention. But I was emotionally strong because of all the good counsel and love given to me. One point that I will put into practice is the comment referring to losing a loved one in death: Mourn but do not let sorrow distract you from the important task that all Christians have this day...that is: declaring the Good News as stated in Matthew 24:14.

Last night when I arrived home from Toledo, there were a teddy bear and vase of flowers on my kitchen table. Beautiful golden roses smiled at me from the vase. Friend Jenny had sent them. What a warm fuzzy!!!

I started my day a little later with a glimpse of Don's flowers outside my bedroom window. They said to me: "Good Morning, Sweetheart". There are some huge white cosmos around the patio. The burgundy hibiscus is still ablaze. The cone flowers need some deadheading. (Tomorrow's job)

I then went for a morning walk although, for the first time, I had to push myself. Teri stopped over at lunchtime. I have unpacked and put most of the things away so this afternoon's joy is to work on the Thank You cards. How can I put into words my thankfulness for all the kind deeds that have been extended to me? Words seem inadequate but I will try.

My throat is sore again as are my ears. My eyes burn. My chronic bronchitis is acting up again: I am whooping, but I am eating fruit for the vitamin C. I am drinking lots of fluids. Hopefully, I can avoid going to the doctor again.

All my love, Thanks for checking on me. Barb

Moving On

I am still cleaning up the house after the times of neglect and more important things to do. I still have my grandson's air mattress and other momentoes of the time so much of the family camped out here. They took care of both of us.

I stopped by the funeral home and picked up additional thank you cards and memorial cards. I keep running out. My cup truly runs over. I am tackling all the thank you cards and am making progress. I need to personally thank all my loved ones for their support and prayers. I will fill all of them out before I mail them, probably by next weekend. I stopped working on them to prepare for the District Convention in Toledo, Ohio, this weekend.

I just received a call from Anne and Elana. They are planning on staying with me for Friday and Saturday night. Their DC was while David (of Colorado) was back in Michigan. They stayed at their house so even one day was out of the question.

I am planning on signing up for auxiliary pioneer for September with a higher goal in mind for the future. I will look for Jehovah's blessing on my plans.

I finished cleaning my living room today. After the weekend, I will tackle the basement laundry room which has become the catchall place. Thank you for your continued expressions. They warm my heart. I love you, Barb

Still Blogging

I signed on to Facebook but found out that I was innundated with requests to be my friend. That was not why I thought to go to Facebook. I don't have time for a social network. I already have a great social network with my family and friends. So I guess I will continue to blog so as to keep in touch with so many of my friends and family. If you are not interested in hearing about my daily tediousnesses, then don't go to the blog anymore. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I wouldn't want anyone to compromise their integrity or use too much time that could be used constructively elsewhere.

I have been busy today. I started with a walk then worked on my kitchen some more. I just have my freezer to organize. So many things got stuffed in there. I still have some raspberries in there to make some jam. That is one of next week's jobs. That will make some room.

I went to the bank today and got accounts switched and questions answered. Don used to take care of all of that. He had, however, taken the time to explain a lot to me so I am not too in the dark. My life insurance agent is coming over tomorrow and then I will know how much I will have to draw out of savings. Don was very good about saving. I think he has saved a part of his check since we were married. This left me with a little nest egg. Don didn't want me to have to ask for the price of ticket to fly out to Colorado to see Dave's family. He even counseled me "don't be a mooch".

I took a long nap this afternoon. I still tire out pretty easily, although I am sleeping fairly well at night. I awake in the morning, check out the back yard flowers from my bedroom window every morning. One of the family members asked me if I was depressed. I thought about that question. I answered: No. I don't know why not, but there it is. Jehovah still has me under both arms and holding me up. I awake every day with energy and plans. Although I miss Don terribly, I will go on with my life. That was what he wanted me to do. I write out a list every morning, or the night before. I have tomorrow's list jammed already.

I am going to the District Convention with the Wyne family. They will pick me up at 6 tomorrow night. I am going to use the room that Don booked in January for us. Perhaps my daughter-in-law Anne and granddaughter Elana will spend one night with me. Same price for 1 or 4 so I could allow it. I would like that.

Well, I am going to start my Family Worship Night on Wednesday instead of Tuesday so I am going to sign off and start hitting the books. Thank you for sticking with me. Love you, Barb

Cleaning Up

I almost felt back to normal (minus my other half). I went out for a walk at 7 then got showered and dressed and went out with some friends to deliver invitations to the upcoming District Convention in Toledo this weekend. This is the second time I was able to get out in this special work. It felt good.

I did some cleaning this afternoon so that my kitchen is almost back to normal. Don was going to cut some extra carpeting for a piece of rug by the back door but never got strong enough to do it so I tackled it. I found a cutting tool and started in the back of the carpeting. It did not seem to make a dent, just a scratch. After working about ten minutes, I noticed there was no blade in the cutter. I went back in the garage and found a cutter with a razor blade in it and this time it went pretty smooth. I almost got it straight. Chanya Hasan came into my driveway while I was out cutting the carpeting and she hollered: Sister Baty, What are you doing? I told her. She asked me how old I was. I said 71. She thought it was great that I was trying to do it. I thought it was pretty dumb that I hadn't notice that there was no blade. At least I know where to find it next time I have a little project.

I am working on sorting out all the cards and flowers I received. I need to send notes of appreciation to all the wonderful people who showed their love for Don and I. I just know I will forget someone so please forgive me if it is you.

Good night. I had a busy day and some laughs out in service. Tomorrow will have its own anxieties. Hopefully some laughter along with it.

Barb

Still Blogging

I signed up for Facebook but will use it cautiously. I am going to continue to blog because I can share my thoughts more easily. Who ever thought that this old lady would blog and be on facebook!!! A scandal!!!! (Kidding).....only if I let it take me over. Different one's advice was to continue to blog and do Facebook if I desired but only accept as Friends those I know. I was especially warned not to befriend someone who CLAIMS to worship Jehovah. Talk is cheap and Satan is tricky. I am on it!!! Thanks for guiding me. Love you all. Barb

Thinking About It

When I mentioned to my daughter, Teri, about quitting the blog, she suggested that I continue with it because it is simpler than Facebook. So for the time being, while I decide, I will continue to blog on this site. Let me know what you think. I don't want to act like a special person to have my own site. Barb

Completion

This is the last time I will write on this blog. I really appreciated the opportunity to chronicle Don's last days and his struggles. The outpouring of love and prayers was very heartwarming. His life is over for now but his memory will live on to inspire. Even with the sadness came much joy and tenderness. There is so much of him in our yard, house, family and congregation that I now know how he can be alive in Jehovah's memory. How could I forget his tenderness? How could I forget "the face" he gave me to steer me right? How could I forget his love for the truth? How could I forget his quip "You have to look yourself in the mirror every day? How could I forget his love and devotion? How could I forget his unselfish interest in me and others? How could I forget his work ethic? How could I forget his deep compassion? How could I forget his sense of humor? How could I forget his old socks (I've got socks older than you)? How could I forget his deep love for his God, Jehovah? I insisted that Jehovah should come before me. It did!!!

Well, dear loved ones. I am going to start up a blog on Facebook to keep up with everyone. I have learned to love being in such close contact with all of you on an almost daily basis. Access it if you have the time. If not, I understand. I know the dangers of Facebook: taking large amounts of time that could be better spent constructively; getting too involved in others' lives; etc. I intent to use it responsibly to keep in touch and work out my day to day life.

Keep me in your prayers for the struggle ahead for me.

I say goodbye for now. I'll think of you all who have corresponded with me this way. I hope the closeness that I feel to all of you will continue. I will be there for your struggles, now and in the future.

Don's Barbie Doll

Don's Love Continues to say Good Morning

As is my custom, I opened my bedroom curtains this morning. I was greeted by a new flower blooming in the yard: a burgundy hibiscus. It was open with all its beautiful faces, over 6 saucer sized blooms.

It is truly a paradise garden with rocks around the year in a curved pattern, getting wider as it reaches the picket fence and the grape arbor. An abundance of blooms from spring to late fall and an abundance of colors. He planned it that way. So when I look out every day, it is as if he is saying "Good Morning Sweetheart".

I am going to my meeting this morning. Why would I be anywhere else? The loving arms of our many friends comfort and warm my heart and let me know that life will be full again even if it does not seem possible because of the enormous loss I am feeling.

Have a day filled with laughter, dear loved ones. I plan on it. Love Barb

Rested

After the Memorial service I went home and slept. My baby girl, Teri, stayed with me. I woke up around 7 p.m. I was heartened to hear all the wonderful memories you hold of my Sweetie. Some are laugh-out-loud funny. I took the opportunity to read the ones written in the Green Memory Book provided by my precious daughter-in-law Anne.

I was also heartened to hear of the many expressions of love and respect you held for him. He truly was my hero. I considered it a privilege to be married to such a giving man. Thank you for your comments.

I know that many of you did not have the opportunity to share a memory yet. I would appreciate it if you would write it out and I will put it in the book at a future time. Perhaps this may sound silly to you but I, once again, am reminded how he touched so much lives. They warm my heart especially the funny ones.

I plan on going to my meeting tomorrow morning early at 9:00 a.m. I recall how hard it was for him to get to that 9:00 meeting after the cancer matastasized. Even getting up at 7 am, he barely got ready in time. I would fix him something to eat on the way and then we just barely made it. The cancer sapped his strength and diminished his appetite. He could not stand for any length of time so even to shave in the morning required he sit on a stool in the bathroom. To put shoes on were impossible and the sox not much easier. I even combed his hair for him.

I never had to pick out his clothes. He always knew what he wanted to wear. He must have thought of it in advance. Some friends asked on time if I picked out his suits and ties. No. He had a much been eye for color and style than I did. I was a country girl and was happier in jeans and plaid shirts.

Well, goodbye for now. Enjoy each day with your loved ones, never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. If you don't know about Jehovah, find out of Him and his purposes. Love you all. Barb

Good Morning Dear Ones

I slept well last night. I thought I would have a hard time sleeping alone but I didn't. I am thankful for that because I know I need my sleep to continue on. My cough is better and my throat is not as sore so I am feeling better.

I look forward to/dread the memorial for Don. I know that "it is better to go to the house of mourning than a banquet house" so I can take to heart the lessons I just learned.

I already did learn many lessons. One is to not delay telling your loved ones how special they are to you because you may not get another chance. I learned, again, how much I loved my Don. I learned how much He and I are loved. I learned the price of love. I learned the bitterness and pain of watching a loved one suffer so much that you would rejoice at their death.

So, dear ones, I know you won't forget me. I also know that Jehovah will never forget me or Don. I know He will give me His strength even more to carry on with the rest of my life, knowing that I now carry Don's torch.

I Love You All, Barb

Resting and Healing

I went to the Doctor's office today and got an antibiotic for a throat, ear and chest infection. My immunity must be compromised. My sister, Betty, went with me. I slept most of the afternoon. I am breathing a little better now.

For the first time, I wanted share a funny tidbit with Don and could not. It seems so strange as is a part of me is missing. I have heard that phrase before but now know the depth of that part of the loss: My Life's Companion. Lover, Jokester and sounding board.

I am sure you are getting bored reading of my day to day life. I don't know how soon it is appropriate to close this site out, but it has been a wonderful cathartic.

I love you, my friends. I can feel yours and Jehovah's love as I struggle to set up a new routine for my life. Don was a strong force in my life and, while he didn't make all the decisions as to our direction, he and I planned together.

Now, just call me the Lone Planner without a horse called Trigger. Oh, My, did I date myself?

With love, Barb

Picking up the pieces

David and his family just left to catch the plane to Colorado. I hugged Connor goodbye and his warm hug back and his whispered "I love you, Grandma" really warmed my heart. I am not ready to go back to sleep yet so I thought I would start my day with my current sentiments.

Tomorrow the memorial for Don at the Kingdom Hall at 2 will be a final end to this part of the ordeal. It will be filled with love extended by Don and I's many friends and our loving family. This ordeal has strengthened our family bonds.

My sweet daughter-in-law, Anne, has started a Memory Book for me. I am asking everyone who can to write a favorite memory of My Sweetie in the book. I will be bringing it to the memorial on Saturday. Please record a thought or two.

I have heard so many funny and heartfelt stories from people who have touched our lives. I hope you will take the time to tell me about them in his Memory Book. I also am heartened daily with the tender thoughts and comments on the Blog. That,too, will become a record to keep of our struggle and our triumph over tragedy. Your many cards tell me how much Don was loved.

I did go to my meeting last night. For the first time in years, I had no time to study ahead of time. I just went to absorb and absorb I did. Mom and Dad Burke allowed (or insisted) me to sit between them. They held my hand during the prayers. Don loved them both so much.

My voice and throat are scratchy from all the talking and crying during the last few days. I can just imagine Don saying: "Barb, don't you ever shut up!" One thing that I will not shut up about until the day I can no longer speak is declaring the Good News of the Kingdom (Matthew 24:14) I know that the Kingdom of God is the means by which God will undo the pangs of death. I know that the Kingdom is the God's means of bringing peace back to the earth....and important to me: The Kingdom is the means by which I will be able to hold Don in my arms once again. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want people to know of my hope founded firmly on the Bible promises.

Well, I am getting sleepy again, so I am going to snatch a few more winks before daylight. It smells like a good day outside and I hope to use it to the full to cure my pain. I hope all of you will, too.

Love you all, Bab

Busy

The family has been busy shoring each other up. We went to the school down the street to swing on the swings(yes, I did) climb the monkey bars (yes, I did) and play on the other playground equipment(no, I couldn't, even if I wanted to)

We are taking some of the grandchildren swimming today. David has to be on his way to the airport by 4 in the morning tomorrow. I plan on going to my meeting tonight to get strengthened while David and his family pack for their trip back to Colorado.

This blog has proved to be a wonderful idea. I will read of our journey in times to come. I will reread the comments you left for me....comments that warmed my heart.

I will see some of you on Saturday at Don's Memorial at 2p.m. at the Kingdom Hall.

I slept OK last night, not perfectly but OK. I continue to pray for strength, knowing that the future will be a struggle some times. I plan on continuing to serve Jehovah to the best of my ability. It is one thing that really gives me Joy.

All my love and appreciation,

Barb

Final Farewell

I said goodbye to my Sweetie today. I hope to live a number of years yet so that my children will not be orphans. I remember when my Mother died and I was now effectively an orphan. It was a strange and sad thought. The ones who had nurtured and taught me many of life's lesson would be there not more to share my life.

I, like Don, firmly believe in the Bible's promises. I have faith based on those promises that someday I will see Don again and can hold his hand in the Paradise.

I recall the last time we heard our song together. Son-in-law Jack had turned on the music channel on TV and they were playing our song : Unchained Melody. We fell in love to the voice of Al Hibler singing it. "I need your love, God speed your love to me." I went over to the couch where Don was laying and hugged him. He put out his arm as if to dance. He held me for a while. Sweet!!!!!

I am bone tired now and I am going to take a nap. I know it is a different kind of sleep than he is in because I will wake up again soon. I will have to wait until Jesus removes the corrupt governments that stand in opposition to God's Kingdom and bring peace to the earth, at last.

My heart will yearn for him until then. Until then I plan on serving Jehovah who taught me how to truly love.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts. Pray for our family and friends in their time of grief. We loved a lot and we lost a lot. But, then again, that is the price of Love. Barb

Courage

Don taught me many lessons since we were married almost 54 years ago. I was much less experienced than he was. He had a strong force in his family for years although he was only 19. He even insisted that I carry a purse "dear, you might need a kleenex or something else".

The lesson he has been teaching me is that you think of others even when you are dying. His concern for me and others was very touching.

He fell in love with me before I fell in love with him. I, a young 16 year old, was flattered. He was so respectful but I could see his passion. He won my heart with his tender ways. I am so glad because I have a treasure of sweet memories that I can replay over the years ahead. I dealt with his imperfections because his love and concern for others were much greater.

He was born to be a father. He was so excited to find out that he was to be a father. I wasn't so sure. I got used to the idea. After all, I was only 18. But his love and excitement helped me.

I was a worker bee so even though my nest became full quickly, he worked hard to feed and nourish us. God was always important to both of us. We never missed mass unless one of us was sick. Then the other took the brood to worship God.

I almost upset the applecart when I started studying the Bible. He knew much more about the Bible than me so he didn't object to that part. What he objected to was that I was learning some new things. His father had studied with Jehovah's Witnesses years ago and he had sat in on some of those studies. His father stopped the study when he learned some Bible doctrines that conflicted with what he had been taught. He was studying with Earl Lardie. Talk about planting seeds that grow later on. Don finally "ordered" me to quit the study. (I was a very submissive wife, having the example of my mother and father. My parents were old enough to be my grandparents. Dad's word was Mom's command.)

When Don ordered me to quit the study, I didn't get mad although I did something that I had never done before: I respectfully told Don that I had never gone against his wishes or told him NO before but now I had to. I told him I had found something wonderful and I couldn't stop learning what the Bible says. He was taken aback. He got a shocked look on his face. He stammered: OK but be careful.

The rest is history. He studied himself to try to prove Darlene and Bert Nicke wrong but finally admitted that what they taught was what the Bible taught. And what a force it has been in our lives!!! We were swimming upstream, as it were, but we were given the strength to do it.

I will miss My Sweetie but then... so will so many others. I know that Jehovah will give me the strength to keep serving and obeying him. I look forward to holding Don again in the Paradise New World on earth even if we are no longer married. I am used to sharing him with others. He truly has been a "Gift in Men"

On a personal note, I slept fairly well last night. I dread the viewing today. I dread seeing him in his casket. I dread seeing other people's pain. But I will be comforted to see the love that family and friends had for him. I will be comforted by loving arms. Most of all Jehovah will have my right hand (I

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Funeral and Memorial Arrangements

Family and friends are invited to visitation between 2:00 and 8:00 pm on Tuesday, August 3 at Will and Schwarzkoff Funeral Home, 233 Northbound Gratiot Avenue, Mount Clemens, MI. 48043 (586-468-4509).

The funeral will be on Wednesday for family only.

A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday, August, 7 at 2:00 pm at the Mount Clemens Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses, 23385 Patterson, Clinton Township (at the corner of Patterson and Southbound Gratiot Avenue).

At great but humble man is no longer suffering.

With sadness but much relief that my father is not longer suffering, I want to let everyone know that my father died peacefully at about 3:00 am this morning. I was at his side at the time along with my brother in law Dan and I had the privilege of being the one who closed his eyes for the last time.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit alone with my father and share with him some thoughts. I told him how much I loved him and how much he and my mother were loved by his entire extended family and by his many friends.  I recalled for him two discussions we had had in the past, the first being the discussion we had out 4 months ago on the day he was told by his doctors that his cancer was terminal and that he had less than six months to live unless he qualified for an experimental treatment and the second, during a visit in the hospital about two months ago.

During the call when he shared with me the bad news  about his cancer, he tearfully told me he was not afraid to die or go through the continued pain and suffering, but was in anguish because he would not be around to care for my mother. I reminded him of our discussion during that painful call and reiterated yesterday that he need not worry because I,  together with his his family and friends, would make sure that my mother received all of the love, care, support and help she would need after he died. While we could never replace his love for my my mother, I reassured him that this worry was unfounded.

I also reminded my father yesterday of the private discussion we had when he was in the hospital and he shared with me that he was pained and embarrassed by all of the inconvenience and trouble he was causing to his family and friends. I recalled telling him at the time that he had earned the love and support he was seeing from his family and friends and that everyone was merely returning the love and support he had given to them in the past. During that earlier discussion, he told me that that he was overwhelmed by the love and support he was receiving and that he found himself wondering if he was worthy of it.  I reassured him that his family and friend thought the exact opposite and believed we would never be able to repay him for the love and attention he had given to all of us in the past.

I also shared with my my father yesterday that his death would cause many to hurt deeply and to shed many tears because of our loss. But I reassured him that this pain we will all suffer in the days to come is a small price we will pay for having loved my father and having been loved by him and that I would gladly pay that price.  

The final thought I shared with my father yesterday was that it was an honor to be his son, that I admired his humility and that I have not personally known a greater man, a man who cared more for his wife, family and friend than his own pain, suffering and impending death. Although he was unable to talk and respond to me, I noticed tears coming from his eyes.

I want to thank everyone who has supported my mother, father and family in past months. Like my father, I have been overwhelmed by your efforts, thoughts and kindness.


Don Jr.  


            

Waiting and Praying

We wait and pray and hug. The family is solid in their determination to do everything possible to ease My Sweetie into the sleep that the Bible speaks of with sorrow. His pulse is steady and his breathing is labored. His pulse is speeding up as his breathing is getting weaker.

I will greet this death as a welcome intruder because the Don will be at peace finally. It has been a real struggle for him. We know that he is still aware because when Tim Burke was over and said a prayer, Don lifted this other hand up and put it over Tim's hand.

I slept a few hours today and did several family members so that we can continue to hold his hand though we know that Jehovah is holding his hand as Isaiah 41:10 says. I think of the 23rd Psalm at a time like this about walking in the shadow of death and not being alone. We know that Jehovah as the Great Shepherd and Jesus as the Under Shepherd have hold of him to comfort him and make the unbearable bearable. I know that is why I am able to bear it also.

The entire family is yet keeping the vigil. The Karmanos nurse says that because his heart and lungs are so strong, it may take another couple of days. We pray for strength so us older ones can endure this.

All my love, Barb

Not Suffering

The family spent the day and night with my sweetie again. His heart is still beating strongly. His breathing is very labored and shallow with shorter periods of not breathing. He is being kept peaceful with medication but he is still twitching a lot. He gets clammy and someone is bathing him and powdering him often. We have all spoken with him...giving him permission to stop struggling. The Hospice nurse is coming out to see if she can ease him and the family to a conclusion soon.

It is so hard to watch someone you love struggling so hard. I am concerned for the other family members who have been sleeping 2 or 3 hours. Everyone is so tired and heartbroken. Don felt so bad that he would cause so many people so much pain. He knew what would happen. I told him it was the price of love. When we learn to love as Jehovah loves, it hurts so very bad. Even for the people who do not know Jehovah, the pain is intense. I appreciate all the prayers and tears that have been shed for me and Don. We are rich people to have such people like you holding us up and caring for us. Thank you for the depth of my heart.

It will be easier to bear when he passes and is finally sleeping in Jehovah's memory. He will yearn to see the work of his hands again and Jesus will resurrect him back to a Paradise earth. Any of you who have a different hope, I ask you to consider what the Bible teaches about the future of the earth and mankind. One of my favorite scriptures is John 5:28-30 where Jesus promised to perform a resurrection with Jehovah's power and direction. Another of my favorite scriptures is Revelation 21:3 and 4 where God promises to wipe out all tears and eliminate man's enemy Death. I yearn to hold my Sweetheart in my arms again when he will know me and desire to hold me back. At times like this, it isn't about sex or pleasure but about peace and love.

All my love,

Barbara

Love evident

We continue to stay with Don and hold his hand. He responds slightly to us so we know he still hears us. Family keeps coming in and out. Sister Betty is coming from Canada where she was vacationing....Sarah (David M.) is heading up from Indiana. Our house is brimming with love and pain. We are comforting each other. We snatch sleep as we can. It is so nice to see everyone concerned for everyone else. I am loving the comments on the Blog. I read them when I get the time so I am thinking of you and thanking you, too, for your love, prayers and concern. Don's heart and lungs are strong so are taking a while to get shut down. He continues to lengthen the time of breathlessness. He is resting easy. He knows that his family is around him because we get small traces of response. Thank you everyone for your love and prayers. Jehovah is getting bombarded. I can feel Him holding onto my hand. How can anyone get through such an ordeal like this without Jehovah, I wonder. And the hope he holds out is wonderful to think about for strength. To see Don again healthy and happy in Jehovah's new Paradise. TAKE THAT SATAN. YOU DID NOT WIN!!!!! Don and I are staying in Jehovah's love in spite of all Satan has thrown at us. I can't wait to cheer at his destruction.

Thanks again for leaving comments. They warm my heart. Don has touched so many lives. Barb

My Sweetie had a peaceful night but was unresponsive. He takes 7 or 8 deep breaths then holds his breath for about 40 seconds. Our children, Don,Jr, Ann and Teri spent the night along with mates and Papa's Sweetheart, Larissa. Someone was holding his hand most of the night. I guess you could say we were keeping a death vigil.

At least he is not in pain. Keep us in your prayers. Jehovah is certainly strengthening us.

barb

With Sadness

With sadness, I write to let everyone know that Don's battle is almost over. His breathing had been strange all day. Tonight he is experiencing longer periods of not breathing, easing into death. He is unresponsive but he is muttering in his sleep. I told him I loved him and kissed him and he weakly responded. He is still aware to a degree. The RN said it would probably be within 24 hours and quite possibly during the night time. I pray for strength. Barb

Sleepy Head

The little ones in the congregation used to call us Brother and Sister Baby...that is until they went to school and heard a little different sound. My sleepy baby had a good night's sleep as reported by his night nurse. He is still sleeping at 9:45 A.M.

I hold his hand and he seems know that I am there. He puckers up for me to kiss him. Does he pucker up for the nurses, I wonder?

His breathing is a little different today. He takes about 6 or 7 deep breaths then holds it for about ten seconds and then breaths normally for a little bit then repeats the cycle. Something new. The Doctor is visiting him today so I will get an updated assessment.

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We have so many reasons to love Jehovah and our dear friends and family. Barb

Another Sleepy Day

I had made arrangements to go door to door with invitations to our upcoming District Convention in Toledo. Bob came over to visit with My Sweetie for the morning. While I was gone, he took Don outside on the patio to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine and flowers. He tolerated about 35 minutes in the wheelchair and then asked to go back to bed.

I am so thankful to Bob for being such a good friend. Don loves the be out with his flowers and his birds. The birds keep the yard insect free and the bees love the nectar of the flowers. It was such a refreshing day after that oppressive heat and storm.

He continues to weaken but his blood pressure is stable and his heart is beating strong. It takes a lot to get a good man down. I've known he was a good man for many years....dating back to when he first asked me to go out. He complied to my requirements regarding drinking and religion.

His pain is currently controlled although he continues to sleep quite a lot. Better sleep than pain. I plan on doing the Bible reading out loud this afternoon in preparation for the meeting. He is not eating today so far but he is not vomiting either.

Keep us in your prayers.

Barb

Teri (Tish) Heart

I just wanted to take this opportunity to once again thank all of you who have been bringing meals, fruit and sweets. I want you to know how much it truly means to our entire family. We are able to spend precious hours with Dad instead of in the kitchen.

Even though these are difficult times, knowing that all of you are praying for our entire family really helps me get thru the day....God is always with us, giving us strength to see the next day. Please leave a comment or word of encouragement, I personally love to end my day by reading all the kind words. Dad's days are limited....I realize that...but the love each and everyone of you are showing helps me to not only endure today, but to look toward the future when Dad is no longer in pain and I look forward to seeing him walking around and taking care of all the flowers on this earth. I thought he was a great produce manager...but I think he missed his calling.

God Bless each and every one of you...you are what Christians are called to be....God's hand extended and from the bottom of my heart....I THANK YOU!!

Tender Moments

Yes, I am building more tender moments with my Sweetheart. Most of the time he makes sense but last night he insisted he wanted two flowers. He emphatically lifted up two fingers and stared at me. It was dark outside but I turned the outside lights on and went and got a pink cosmos and a yellow cone flower. I came in and handed them to him. He looked at them and pointed toward a flower terrarium on his dresser and I figured he wanted me to add those to the flowers already there. I'm not sure what that was about but that satisfied him.

He was outside in his yard for fifteen minutes in the afternoon then he asked to be taken back in. His back hurts if he sits up too long. Son-in-law Dan took him out in his wheelchair. He looked around and asked to be moved several time. I guess to change the angle of viewing. For anyone who has not seen our backyard, it is all Don's design and most of his work. I am mainly the weeder and transplanter. He is getting ready for the Paradise by having a piece of it now in our backyard.

He slept well last night. The increase in his medication is working. His pain level is tolerable.

Hopefully, we will make more sweet memories today. Barb

Pain increases

During a restless night my honey's pain started to increase. He complained about severe pain across his back (kidneys) Of course it is because of the compromised kidneys. I contacted the nurse and she contacted the doctor who increased his methanol. The whole idea is to keep him pain free because the cancer is winning the battle. Because he was awake a lot during the night, he is quite sleepy today. Teri brought him a small chocolate Frosty which he asked for. He did eat some of it but nothing else so far. Ron Lardie was over and said a prayer with him. I know he appreciated that. They also talked about Uncle Al and Father Earl. Some good faithful men who now are resting awaiting a resurrection. Don wanted to go on trip today and wondered why I wouldn't let him. I told him he was too sick. He disagreed. I told him OK stand up and we will go. He tried and knew I was right. Thank you for checking on us. We love you all. Barb

Another Day

My sweetie slept well last night. I fixed my cereal at 8 and went by his bed and started to eat. He raised his hand and indicated to give him some. He ate about 4 spoonfuls of Honey Nut Cheerios and milk. Then he went back to sleep. I got to eat the rest. He asked me what took me so long to get down to him. I think he thinks he is still in the hospital. His room certainly looks like a hospital room. He reached over to me and I got up and he threw his arm around me and gave me a hug. He continues with very limited fluid output and sleeps most of the time. I'll try to consider the daily text with him later after he rests up. Thank you all who are checking this Blog. I LOVE your comments and expressions of love. They strengthen me. I know that all the prayers on our behalf are also. I am glad that Jehovah is going to rid humans of this curse and I love the idea of living forever on the earth. If I will no longer be married to Don, I will be deeply satisfied seeing him happy and healthy.

Family Day

Because son David was home with his family, the weekend was filled with hugs and tears. Don enjoyed seeing Connor and Drew. He held on the Dave and Donna a long time. His smile was very evident. He gave them each a long, long hug. He slept a lot today but there was always someone in the family holding his hand or sitting by him. He ate very little and drank very little and is getting weaker. His excretion (urine) is brown. He was kept pain free. Thank goodness for Hospice.

His favorite nurse, Marie, was back again this morning. Anne and Don brought over food and the 3 youngest grandchildren, Elana, Drew and Connor, put on some funny plays. I especially liked the peanut butter sandwich skit. The three of them played nonstop. It was a joy to see. It warmed my heart to see the children and grandchildren all interacting and loving on each other and Dad. Sister Betty spent the night last night by Don's side. He used to stay by her side when she was sick as a child so she is returning the love. All three sisters were over today loving on him. We know the inevitable outcome of the illness and are so thankful for the resurrection hope. We talked about it often at the beginning of this ordeal. Keep us in your prayers. Love Barb

Hard Day

My sweetie started to become delusional again. We know that his kidneys are shutting down. He is drinking little, eating little and sleeping a lot. I don't know how much time I yet have to hold his hand but I know that I will be with him as much as I can. It is a numbing feeling....hard to describe. The four children were over today. The boys mulched our yard. Each took time holding Dad's hand and talking with him. Keep us in your prayers. Barb

A Big Thank you from us, too.

We deeply appreciate the love that has been shown in our behalf from our daughter's friends. The food was generous and delicious but the love behind it was even better. You are following the golden rule. We very much are humbled by it. Take care of our Baby Girl in the months ahead. She will be facing one of the most difficult times in her life: to lose her father to death. We look forward to seeing him again in the Paradise. All our love, Mom Barbara