It has now been 5 months since my Sweetie left me. He left me some sweet memories but I would trade them for a few more days talking to him and holding him. What a difference in my life. It is not as though my life is over but I know the best part of my life is over. At 72, even if I have special mightiness, I cannot hope to live much longer than 25 years more. What a tragedy that our life span is so short. It may not seem short to a youngster but it passes so quickly...too quickly. I think a lot about what I would like to say to Don...wishing for an opportunity to hug him one more time.
I have been listening to our song: Unchained Melody by Al Hibbler. I have one copy in the C drive of the computer and on in my CD player in the car. I cried the first time I had the courage to listen to it again. But I was touched deeply by the sweet memories of falling in love with Don to that music. It had a melting effect. I listened to Patsy Cline's songs too but they just made me weep.
I have been spending the last 5 months in recovery mode. I have established my own pattern and schedule. I think of Don a lot. He is on my mind so much of the time when I make decisions. He always looked out for me. Now I open my own door, put on my own coat and hold my own counsel. I always thought I appreciated and did not take for granted the love we shared for so long. Not true! No way can you anticipate the void that the death of your best friend makes.
I have also been spending the last 5 months reaffirming my love and trust in my God, Jehovah. We trusted in His promises before but never were tested to the degree that I find myself tested. Do I really believe in the hope of the Resurrection? Have I been taught the truth about the Resurrection? Is there more to learn about the Resurrection? I have searched the scriptures and prayed for guidance. I have come to the conclusion that we DID understand the truth about what happens when we die and what the hope is for people who have died in the past. As difficult as it is to go on after you have lost your life's companion, it is a reality that I must deal with. I trust the Bible's explanation about why we die and what God's thinking is on what He will do about it. Jesus demonstrated God's will when he resurrected people in the first century. I trust that account. I also trust Jesus' words about a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous.
I know that my marriage contract was severed when my marriage mate died. I also know that my emotional attachment will never end....and my love for my special Don. Life is still worth living but not in the same way as before. Now I grieve daily but don't allow it to immobilize me into inactivity. I continue to serve my God Jehovah to the best of my ability. Loving Jehovah is easy. Who could not love a God who wants us to be happy and has orchestrated a plan to undo the curse that mankind is presently under. No wonder 1John 5:7 says "God is love".
I look ahead today on the 5th month anniversary of Don's death and my heart is humbled by all the love that has been and continues to be shown in my behalf. I have so many blessings and so many good, godly friends and family. I am a blessed woman and I know it. I love you all, Barb, Gram, Mom, Sister
